Living Will

LIVING WILL





I, _________________________ (fill in the blank), being of
sound mind and body, do not wish to be kept alive indefinitely by
artificial means. Under no circumstances should my fate be put in the
hands of peckerwood politicians who couldn't pass ninth-grade biology
if their lives depended on it.

If a reasonable amount of time passes and I fail to sit up and
ask for a cold beer, it should be presumed that I won't do so ever
again. When such a determination is reached, I hereby instruct my
spouse, children and attending physicians to pull the plug, reel in the
tubes and call it a day.


Under no circumstances shall the members of the Legislature
enact a special law to keep me on life-support machinery. It is my wish
that these boneheads mind their own damn business, and pay attention
instead to the health, education and future of the millions of
Americans who aren't in a permanent coma and who nonetheless may be in
need of nourishment.


Under no circumstances shall any politicians butt into this
case. I don't care how many fundamentalist votes they're trying to
scrounge for their run for the presidency in 2008, it is my wish that
they play politics with someone else's life and leave me alone to die
in peace.

I couldn't care less if a hundred religious zealots send
e-mails to legislators in which they pretend to care about me. I don't
know these people, and I certainly haven't authorized them to preach
and/or crusade on my behalf. They should mind their own damn business,
too.

If any of my family goes against my wishes and turns my case
into a political cause, I hereby promise to come back from the grave and
make his or her existence a living hell.


SIGNED______________________________________



DATE________________________________________