After having dug to a depth of 10 feet last year, New York
scientists found traces of copper wire dating back 100 years
and came to the conclusion, that their ancestors already had
a telephone network more than 100 years ago.
Not to be out-done by the New Yorkers, in the weeks that
followed, in California an archaeologist dug to a depth of
20 feet, and shortly after, headlines in the LA Times
newspaper read: California archaeologists have found traces
of 200 year old copper wire and have concluded that their
ancestors already had an advanced high-tech communications
network a hundred years earlier than the New Yorkers.
One week later, a local newspaper in Texas , reported the following:
After digging as deep as 30 feet in his 2000 acre pasture near
Cut-n-Shoot, Montgomery County , Texas , Bubba Rathbone,
a self-taught archaeologist, reported that he found absolutely
nothing. Bubba has therefore concluded that 300 years ago,
Texas had already gone wireless.
Thank God for Bubba.
TEXANS are such an intelligent bunch...
Tuesday, November 24, 2009
Sunday, September 13, 2009
Japanese Tow Trucks
Can't beleive it's been a couple week since my last post. Here are some pictures of some pretty cool tow trucks in Japan. I guess anything is possible when you are trying to conserve space.
Friday, August 28, 2009
Old Swingers Pete & Beulah Mae
This is a great video, a little long, but worth the watch. If only I could dance like that!
Thursday, August 27, 2009
Buy a what?
If you want someone who will bring you the paper without first tearingit apart to remove the sports section. Adopt a dog.
If you want someone willing to make a fool of himself simply over thejoy of seeing you. Adopt a dog.
If you want someone who will eat whatever you put in front of him andnever says its not quite as good as his mother made it. Adopt a dog.
If you want someone always willing to go out, at any hour, for as longand wherever you want. Adopt a dog.
If you want someone who will never touch the remote, doesn't care aboutfootball, and can sit next to you as you watch romantic movies. Adopt adog.
If you want someone who is content to get up on your bed just to warmyour feet and whom you can push off if he snores. Adopt a dog.
If you want someone who never criticizes what you do, doesn't care ifyou are pretty or ugly, fat or thin, young or old, who acts as if every wordyou say is especially worthy of listening to, and loves you unconditionally,perpetually. Adopt a dog.
But, on the other hand, If you want someone who will never come whenyou call, ignores you totally when you come home, leaves hair all over theplace, walks allover you, runs around all night and only comes home to eat and sleep, andacts asif your entire existence is solely to ensure his happiness...........
Then my friend, Adopt a cat!
(You thought I was talking about men didn't you!)
If you want someone willing to make a fool of himself simply over thejoy of seeing you. Adopt a dog.
If you want someone who will eat whatever you put in front of him andnever says its not quite as good as his mother made it. Adopt a dog.
If you want someone always willing to go out, at any hour, for as longand wherever you want. Adopt a dog.
If you want someone who will never touch the remote, doesn't care aboutfootball, and can sit next to you as you watch romantic movies. Adopt adog.
If you want someone who is content to get up on your bed just to warmyour feet and whom you can push off if he snores. Adopt a dog.
If you want someone who never criticizes what you do, doesn't care ifyou are pretty or ugly, fat or thin, young or old, who acts as if every wordyou say is especially worthy of listening to, and loves you unconditionally,perpetually. Adopt a dog.
But, on the other hand, If you want someone who will never come whenyou call, ignores you totally when you come home, leaves hair all over theplace, walks allover you, runs around all night and only comes home to eat and sleep, andacts asif your entire existence is solely to ensure his happiness...........
Then my friend, Adopt a cat!
(You thought I was talking about men didn't you!)
Friday, August 21, 2009
Who says Cops don't have a sense of humor?
The following were reportedly taken off of actual police car videos around the country.
"Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they're new. They'll stretch out after you wear them awhile."
"Take your hands off the car, and I'll make your birth certificate a worthless document." "If you run, you'll only go to jail tired."
"Can you run faster than 1,200 feet per second? In case you didn't know, that is the average speed of a 9mm bullet fired from my gun."
"So you don't know how fast you were going. I guess that means I can write anything I want on the ticket, huh?"
"Yes, Sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don't think it will help. Oh ... did I mention that I am the shift supervisor?"
"Warning! You want a warning? O.K., I'm warning you not to do that again or I'll give you another ticket."
"The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?"
"Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you go to ride on rides, eat cotton candy, and step in monkey poop."
"Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven." "In God we trust, all others we run through NCIC."
"Just how big were those two beers?"
"No sir we don't have quotas anymore. We used to have quotas but now we're allowed to write as many tickets as we want."
"I'm glad to hear the Chief of Police is a good personal friend of yours. At least you know someone who can post your bail."
"You didn't think we give pretty women tickets? You're right, we don't. Sign here. You're not that pretty."
"Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they're new. They'll stretch out after you wear them awhile."
"Take your hands off the car, and I'll make your birth certificate a worthless document." "If you run, you'll only go to jail tired."
"Can you run faster than 1,200 feet per second? In case you didn't know, that is the average speed of a 9mm bullet fired from my gun."
"So you don't know how fast you were going. I guess that means I can write anything I want on the ticket, huh?"
"Yes, Sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don't think it will help. Oh ... did I mention that I am the shift supervisor?"
"Warning! You want a warning? O.K., I'm warning you not to do that again or I'll give you another ticket."
"The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?"
"Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you go to ride on rides, eat cotton candy, and step in monkey poop."
"Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven." "In God we trust, all others we run through NCIC."
"Just how big were those two beers?"
"No sir we don't have quotas anymore. We used to have quotas but now we're allowed to write as many tickets as we want."
"I'm glad to hear the Chief of Police is a good personal friend of yours. At least you know someone who can post your bail."
"You didn't think we give pretty women tickets? You're right, we don't. Sign here. You're not that pretty."
Thursday, August 20, 2009
Wednesday, August 19, 2009
The Wallet (a little long but worth the read)
As I walked home one freezing day, I stumbled on a
wallet someone had lost in the street. I picked it up
and looked inside to find some identification so I
could call the owner.
But the wallet contained only three dollars and a
crumpled letter that looked as if it had been in there
for years. The envelope as worn and the only thing
that was legible on it was the return address. I
started to open the letter, hoping to find some clue.
Then I saw the dateline--1924.
The letter had been written almost sixty years ago. It
was written in a beautiful feminine handwriting on
powder blue stationery with a little flower in the
left-hand corner. It was a "Dear John" letter that
told the recipient, whose name appeared to be Michael,
that the writer could not see him any more because her
mother forbade it. Even so, she wrote that she would
always love him. It was signed, Hannah.
It was a beautiful letter, but there was no way except
for the name Michael, that the owner could be
identified. Maybe if I called information, the
operator could find a phone listing for the address on
the envelope.
"Operator," I began, "this is an unusual request. I'm
trying to find the owner of a wallet that I found. Is
there anyway you can tell me if there is a phone
number for an address that was on an envelope in the
wallet?"
She suggested I speak with her supervisor, who
hesitated for a moment then said, "Well, there is a
phone listing at that address, but I can't give you
the number." She said, as a courtesy, she would call
that number, explain my story and would ask them if
they wanted her to connect me.
I waited a few minutes and then she was back on the
line.
"I have a party who will speak with you."
I asked the woman on the other end of the line if she
knew anyone by the name of Hannah.
She gasped, "Oh! We bought this house from a family
who had a daughter named Hannah. But that was 30 years ago!"
"Would you know where that family could be located
now?" I asked.
"I remember that Hannah had to place her mother in a
nursing home some years ago," the woman said.
"Maybe if you got in touch with them they might be
able to track down the daughter."
She gave me the name of the nursing home and I called
the number. They told me the old lady had passed away
some years ago but they did have a phone number for
where they thought the daughter might be living. I
thanked them and phoned.
The woman who answered explained that Hannah herself
was now living in a nursing home.
This whole thing was stupid, I thought to myself. Why
was I making such a big deal over finding the owner of
a wallet that had only three dollars and a letter that
was almost 60 years old?
Nevertheless, I called the nursing home in which
Hannah was supposed to be living and the man who
answered the phone told me, "Yes, Hannah is staying
with us."
Even though it was already 10pm, I asked if I could
come by to see her.
"Well," he said hesitatingly, "if you want to take a
chance, she might be in the day room watching
television."
I thanked him and drove over to the nursing home.
The night nurse and a guard greeted me at the door. We
went up to the third floor of the large building. In
the day room, the nurse introduced me to Hannah.
She was a sweet, silver-haired old timer with a warm
smile and a twinkle in her eye. I told her about
finding the wallet and showed her the letter.
The second she saw the powder blue envelope with that
little flower on the left, she took a deep breath and
said, "Young man, this letter was the last contact I
ever had with Michael." She looked away for a moment
deep in thought and then said softly, "I loved him
very much. But I was only 16 at the time and my mother
felt I was too young. Oh, he was so handsome. He
looked like Sean Connery, the actor."
"Yes," she continued. "Michael Goldstein was a
wonderful person. If you should find him, tell him I
think of him often. And," she hesitated for a moment,
almost biting her lip, "tell him I still love him. You
know," she said smiling as tears began to well up in
her eyes, "I never did marry. I guess no one ever
matched up to Michael..."
I thanked Hannah and said goodbye. I took the elevator
to the first floor and as I stood by the door, the
guard there asked, "Was the old lady able to help
you?"
I told him she had given me a lead. "At least I have a
last name. But I think I'll let it go for a while.
I spent almost the whole day trying to find the owner
of this wallet."
I had taken out the wallet, which was a simple brown
leather case with red lacing on the side.
When the guard saw it, he said, "Hey, wait a minute!
That's Mr. Goldstein's wallet. I'd know it anywhere
with that bright red lacing. He's always losing that
wallet. I must have found it in the halls at least
three times."
"Who's Mr. Goldstein?" I asked as my hand began to
shake.
"He's one of the old timers on the 8th floor. That's
Mike Goldstein's wallet for sure. He must have lost it
on one of his walks."
I thanked the guard and quickly ran back to the
nurse's office. I told her what the guard had said. We
went back to the elevator and got on. I prayed that
Mr. Goldstein would be up.
On the eighth floor, the floor nurse said, "I think
he's still in the day room. He likes to read at night.
He's a darling old man."
We went to the only room that had any lights on and
there was a man reading a book. The nurse went over to
him and asked if he had lost his wallet.
Mr. Goldstein looked up with surprise, put his hand in
his back pocket and said, "Oh, it is missing!"
This kind gentleman found a wallet and we wondered if
it could be yours?"
I handed Mr. Goldstein the wallet and the second he
saw it, he smiled with relief and said, "Yes, that's
it! It must have dropped out of my pocket this
afternoon. I want to give you a reward."
"No, thank you," I said. "But I have to tell you
something.
I read the letter in the hope of finding out who owned
the wallet."
The smile on his face suddenly disappeared. "You read
that letter?"
"Not only did I read it, I think I know where Hannah
is."
He suddenly grew pale. "Hannah? You know where she ?
How is she? Is she still as pretty as she was? Please, please tell
me," he begged.
"She's fine...just as pretty as when you knew her." I
said softly.
The old man smiled with anticipation and asked, "Could
you tell me where she is? I want to call her
tomorrow." He grabbed my hand and said,"You know
something, mister, I was so in love with that girl
that when that letter came, my life literally ended. I
never married. I guess I've always loved her."
"Mr. Goldstein," I said, "Come with me."
We took the elevator down to the third floor. The
hallways were darkened and only one or two little
night-lights lit our way to the day room where Hannah
was sitting alone watching the television.
The nurse walked over to her. "Hannah," she said
softly, pointing to Michael, who was waiting with me
in the doorway. "Do you know this man?"
She adjusted her glasses, looked for a moment, but
didn't say a word.
Michael said softly, almost in a whisper, "Hannah,
it's Michael. Do you remember me?"
She gasped, "Michael! I don't believe it! Michael!
It's you! My Michael!"
He walked slowly towards her and they embraced.
The nurse and I left with tears streaming down our
faces.
"See," I said. "See how the Good Lord works! If it's
meant to be, it will be."
About three weeks later I got a call at my office from
the nursing home. "Can you break away on Sunday to
attend a wedding? Michael and Hannah are going to tie
the knot!"
It was a beautiful wedding with all the people at the
nursing home dressed up to join in the celebration.
Hannah wore a light beige dress and looked beautiful.
Michael wore a dark blue suit and stood tall. They
made me their best man.
The hospital gave them their own room and if you ever
wanted to see a 76-year-old bride and a 79-year-old
groom acting like two teenagers, you had to see this
couple.
A perfect ending for. a love affair that had lasted
nearly 60 years.
wallet someone had lost in the street. I picked it up
and looked inside to find some identification so I
could call the owner.
But the wallet contained only three dollars and a
crumpled letter that looked as if it had been in there
for years. The envelope as worn and the only thing
that was legible on it was the return address. I
started to open the letter, hoping to find some clue.
Then I saw the dateline--1924.
The letter had been written almost sixty years ago. It
was written in a beautiful feminine handwriting on
powder blue stationery with a little flower in the
left-hand corner. It was a "Dear John" letter that
told the recipient, whose name appeared to be Michael,
that the writer could not see him any more because her
mother forbade it. Even so, she wrote that she would
always love him. It was signed, Hannah.
It was a beautiful letter, but there was no way except
for the name Michael, that the owner could be
identified. Maybe if I called information, the
operator could find a phone listing for the address on
the envelope.
"Operator," I began, "this is an unusual request. I'm
trying to find the owner of a wallet that I found. Is
there anyway you can tell me if there is a phone
number for an address that was on an envelope in the
wallet?"
She suggested I speak with her supervisor, who
hesitated for a moment then said, "Well, there is a
phone listing at that address, but I can't give you
the number." She said, as a courtesy, she would call
that number, explain my story and would ask them if
they wanted her to connect me.
I waited a few minutes and then she was back on the
line.
"I have a party who will speak with you."
I asked the woman on the other end of the line if she
knew anyone by the name of Hannah.
She gasped, "Oh! We bought this house from a family
who had a daughter named Hannah. But that was 30 years ago!"
"Would you know where that family could be located
now?" I asked.
"I remember that Hannah had to place her mother in a
nursing home some years ago," the woman said.
"Maybe if you got in touch with them they might be
able to track down the daughter."
She gave me the name of the nursing home and I called
the number. They told me the old lady had passed away
some years ago but they did have a phone number for
where they thought the daughter might be living. I
thanked them and phoned.
The woman who answered explained that Hannah herself
was now living in a nursing home.
This whole thing was stupid, I thought to myself. Why
was I making such a big deal over finding the owner of
a wallet that had only three dollars and a letter that
was almost 60 years old?
Nevertheless, I called the nursing home in which
Hannah was supposed to be living and the man who
answered the phone told me, "Yes, Hannah is staying
with us."
Even though it was already 10pm, I asked if I could
come by to see her.
"Well," he said hesitatingly, "if you want to take a
chance, she might be in the day room watching
television."
I thanked him and drove over to the nursing home.
The night nurse and a guard greeted me at the door. We
went up to the third floor of the large building. In
the day room, the nurse introduced me to Hannah.
She was a sweet, silver-haired old timer with a warm
smile and a twinkle in her eye. I told her about
finding the wallet and showed her the letter.
The second she saw the powder blue envelope with that
little flower on the left, she took a deep breath and
said, "Young man, this letter was the last contact I
ever had with Michael." She looked away for a moment
deep in thought and then said softly, "I loved him
very much. But I was only 16 at the time and my mother
felt I was too young. Oh, he was so handsome. He
looked like Sean Connery, the actor."
"Yes," she continued. "Michael Goldstein was a
wonderful person. If you should find him, tell him I
think of him often. And," she hesitated for a moment,
almost biting her lip, "tell him I still love him. You
know," she said smiling as tears began to well up in
her eyes, "I never did marry. I guess no one ever
matched up to Michael..."
I thanked Hannah and said goodbye. I took the elevator
to the first floor and as I stood by the door, the
guard there asked, "Was the old lady able to help
you?"
I told him she had given me a lead. "At least I have a
last name. But I think I'll let it go for a while.
I spent almost the whole day trying to find the owner
of this wallet."
I had taken out the wallet, which was a simple brown
leather case with red lacing on the side.
When the guard saw it, he said, "Hey, wait a minute!
That's Mr. Goldstein's wallet. I'd know it anywhere
with that bright red lacing. He's always losing that
wallet. I must have found it in the halls at least
three times."
"Who's Mr. Goldstein?" I asked as my hand began to
shake.
"He's one of the old timers on the 8th floor. That's
Mike Goldstein's wallet for sure. He must have lost it
on one of his walks."
I thanked the guard and quickly ran back to the
nurse's office. I told her what the guard had said. We
went back to the elevator and got on. I prayed that
Mr. Goldstein would be up.
On the eighth floor, the floor nurse said, "I think
he's still in the day room. He likes to read at night.
He's a darling old man."
We went to the only room that had any lights on and
there was a man reading a book. The nurse went over to
him and asked if he had lost his wallet.
Mr. Goldstein looked up with surprise, put his hand in
his back pocket and said, "Oh, it is missing!"
This kind gentleman found a wallet and we wondered if
it could be yours?"
I handed Mr. Goldstein the wallet and the second he
saw it, he smiled with relief and said, "Yes, that's
it! It must have dropped out of my pocket this
afternoon. I want to give you a reward."
"No, thank you," I said. "But I have to tell you
something.
I read the letter in the hope of finding out who owned
the wallet."
The smile on his face suddenly disappeared. "You read
that letter?"
"Not only did I read it, I think I know where Hannah
is."
He suddenly grew pale. "Hannah? You know where she ?
How is she? Is she still as pretty as she was? Please, please tell
me," he begged.
"She's fine...just as pretty as when you knew her." I
said softly.
The old man smiled with anticipation and asked, "Could
you tell me where she is? I want to call her
tomorrow." He grabbed my hand and said,"You know
something, mister, I was so in love with that girl
that when that letter came, my life literally ended. I
never married. I guess I've always loved her."
"Mr. Goldstein," I said, "Come with me."
We took the elevator down to the third floor. The
hallways were darkened and only one or two little
night-lights lit our way to the day room where Hannah
was sitting alone watching the television.
The nurse walked over to her. "Hannah," she said
softly, pointing to Michael, who was waiting with me
in the doorway. "Do you know this man?"
She adjusted her glasses, looked for a moment, but
didn't say a word.
Michael said softly, almost in a whisper, "Hannah,
it's Michael. Do you remember me?"
She gasped, "Michael! I don't believe it! Michael!
It's you! My Michael!"
He walked slowly towards her and they embraced.
The nurse and I left with tears streaming down our
faces.
"See," I said. "See how the Good Lord works! If it's
meant to be, it will be."
About three weeks later I got a call at my office from
the nursing home. "Can you break away on Sunday to
attend a wedding? Michael and Hannah are going to tie
the knot!"
It was a beautiful wedding with all the people at the
nursing home dressed up to join in the celebration.
Hannah wore a light beige dress and looked beautiful.
Michael wore a dark blue suit and stood tall. They
made me their best man.
The hospital gave them their own room and if you ever
wanted to see a 76-year-old bride and a 79-year-old
groom acting like two teenagers, you had to see this
couple.
A perfect ending for. a love affair that had lasted
nearly 60 years.
Tuesday, August 18, 2009
Bird Cage
There once was a man named George Thomas, pastor in a small New England town. One Easter Sunday morning he came to the Church carrying a rusty, bent, old bird cage, and set it by the pulpit. Eyebrows were raised and, as if in response, Pastor Thomas began to speak...
"I was walking through town yesterday when I saw a young boy coming toward me swinging this bird cage. On the bottom of the cage were three little wild birds, shivering with cold and frightened. I stopped the lad and asked, "What you got there, son?"
"Just some old birds," came the reply.
"What are you gonna do with them?" I asked.
"Take 'em home and have fun with 'em," he answered. "I'm gonna tease 'em and pull out their feathers to make 'em fight. I'm gonna have a real good time."
"But you'll get tired of those birds sooner or later. What will you do?"
"Oh, I got some cats," said the little boy. "They like birds. I'll take 'em to them."
The pastor was silent for a moment. "How much do you want for those birds, son?"
"Huh?? !!! Why, you don't want them birds, mister. They're just plain old field birds. They don't sing. They ain't even pretty!"
"How much?" the pastor asked again.
The boy sized up the pastor as if he were crazy and said,"$10?"
The pastor reached in his pocket and took out a ten dollar bill. He placed it in the boy's hand. In a flash, the boy was gone. The pastor picked up the cage and gently carried it to the end of the alley where there was a tree and a grassy spot. Setting the cage down, he opened the door, and by softly tapping the bars persuaded the birds out, setting them free. Well, that explained the empty bird cage on the pulpit, and then the pastor began to tell this story.
One day Satan and Jesus were having a conversation. Satan had just come from the Garden of Eden, and he was gloating and boasting.
"Yes, sir, I just caught the world full of people down there. Set me a trap, used bait I knew they couldn't resist. Got 'em all!"
"What are you going to do with them?" Jesus asked.
Satan replied, "Oh, I'm gonna have fun! I'm gonna teach them how to marry and divorce each other, how to hate and abuse each other, how to drink and smoke and curse. I'm gonna teach them how to invent guns and bombs and kill each other. I'm really gonna have fun!"
"And what will you do when you get done with them?" Jesus asked.
"Oh, I'll kill 'em," Satan glared proudly. "How much do you want for them?" Jesus asked. "Oh, you don't want those people. They ain't no good. Why, you'll take them and they'll just hate you. They'll spit on you, curse you and kill you. You don't want those people!!"
"How much? He asked again.
Satan looked at Jesus and sneered, "All your blood, tears and your life."
Jesus said, "DONE!" Then He paid the price.
The pastor picked up the cage he opened the door and he walked from the
pulpit.
"I was walking through town yesterday when I saw a young boy coming toward me swinging this bird cage. On the bottom of the cage were three little wild birds, shivering with cold and frightened. I stopped the lad and asked, "What you got there, son?"
"Just some old birds," came the reply.
"What are you gonna do with them?" I asked.
"Take 'em home and have fun with 'em," he answered. "I'm gonna tease 'em and pull out their feathers to make 'em fight. I'm gonna have a real good time."
"But you'll get tired of those birds sooner or later. What will you do?"
"Oh, I got some cats," said the little boy. "They like birds. I'll take 'em to them."
The pastor was silent for a moment. "How much do you want for those birds, son?"
"Huh?? !!! Why, you don't want them birds, mister. They're just plain old field birds. They don't sing. They ain't even pretty!"
"How much?" the pastor asked again.
The boy sized up the pastor as if he were crazy and said,"$10?"
The pastor reached in his pocket and took out a ten dollar bill. He placed it in the boy's hand. In a flash, the boy was gone. The pastor picked up the cage and gently carried it to the end of the alley where there was a tree and a grassy spot. Setting the cage down, he opened the door, and by softly tapping the bars persuaded the birds out, setting them free. Well, that explained the empty bird cage on the pulpit, and then the pastor began to tell this story.
One day Satan and Jesus were having a conversation. Satan had just come from the Garden of Eden, and he was gloating and boasting.
"Yes, sir, I just caught the world full of people down there. Set me a trap, used bait I knew they couldn't resist. Got 'em all!"
"What are you going to do with them?" Jesus asked.
Satan replied, "Oh, I'm gonna have fun! I'm gonna teach them how to marry and divorce each other, how to hate and abuse each other, how to drink and smoke and curse. I'm gonna teach them how to invent guns and bombs and kill each other. I'm really gonna have fun!"
"And what will you do when you get done with them?" Jesus asked.
"Oh, I'll kill 'em," Satan glared proudly. "How much do you want for them?" Jesus asked. "Oh, you don't want those people. They ain't no good. Why, you'll take them and they'll just hate you. They'll spit on you, curse you and kill you. You don't want those people!!"
"How much? He asked again.
Satan looked at Jesus and sneered, "All your blood, tears and your life."
Jesus said, "DONE!" Then He paid the price.
The pastor picked up the cage he opened the door and he walked from the
pulpit.
Monday, August 17, 2009
Sunday, August 16, 2009
Parking Ticket
Working people frequently ask retired people what they do to make their days interesting. Well, for example, the other day my wife and I went into town and went into a shop. We were only in there for about 5 minutes. When we came out, there was a cop writing out a parking ticket...We went up to him and said, 'Come on man, how about giving a senior citizen a break?'
He ignored us and continued writing the ticket. I called him a Nazi turd. He glared at me and started writing another ticket for having worn tires. So my wife called him a big jerk. He finished the second ticket and put it on the windshield with the first. Then he started writing a third ticket. This went on for about 20 minutes. The more we abused him, the more tickets he wrote.
Personally, we didn't care... We came into town by bus and the car had an Obama sticker. We try to have a little fun each day now that we're retired. It's important at our age.
Monday, August 10, 2009
Lessons life taught me
Written By Regina Brett, 90 years old, of The Plain Dealer, Cleveland ,
"To celebrate growing older, I once wrote the 45 lessons life taught me. It is the most-requested column I've ever written."
My odometer rolled over to 90 in August, so here is the column once more:
1. Life isn't fair, but it's still good.
2. When in doubt, just take the next small step.
3. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.
4. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends and parents will. Stay in touch.
5. Pay off your credit cards every month.
6. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.
7. Cry with someone. It's more healing than crying alone.
8. It's OK to get angry with God. He can take it.
9. Save for retirement starting with your first paycheck.
10. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.
11. Make peace with your past so it won't screw up the present.
12. It's OK to let your children see you cry.
13. Don't compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.
14. If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn't be in it.
15. Everything can change in the blink of an eye. But don't worry; God never blinks.
16. Take a deep breath. It calms the mind.
17. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful.
18. Whatever doesn't kill you really does make you stronger.
19. It's never too late to have a happy childhood. But the second one is up to you and no one else.
20. When it comes to going after what you love in life, don't take no for an answer.
21. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie. Don't save it for a special occasion. Today is special.
22. Over prepare, then go with the flow.
23. Be eccentric now. Don't wait for old age to wear purple.
24. The most important sex organ is the brain.
25. No one is in charge of your happiness but you.
26. Frame every so-called disaster with these words 'In five years, will this matter?'
27. Always choose life.
28. Forgive everyone everything.
29. What other people think of you is none of your business.
30. Time heals almost everything. Give time time.
31. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.
32. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.
33. Believe in miracles.
34. God loves you because of who God is, not because of anything you did or didn't do.
35. Don't audit life. Show up and make the most of it now.
36. Growing old beats the alternative -- dying young.
37. Your children get only one childhood.
38. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.
39. Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere.
40. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else's,we'd grab ours back.
41. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.
42. The best is yet to come.
43. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.
44. Yield.
45. Life isn't tied with a bow, but it's still a gift."
"To celebrate growing older, I once wrote the 45 lessons life taught me. It is the most-requested column I've ever written."
My odometer rolled over to 90 in August, so here is the column once more:
1. Life isn't fair, but it's still good.
2. When in doubt, just take the next small step.
3. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.
4. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends and parents will. Stay in touch.
5. Pay off your credit cards every month.
6. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.
7. Cry with someone. It's more healing than crying alone.
8. It's OK to get angry with God. He can take it.
9. Save for retirement starting with your first paycheck.
10. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.
11. Make peace with your past so it won't screw up the present.
12. It's OK to let your children see you cry.
13. Don't compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.
14. If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn't be in it.
15. Everything can change in the blink of an eye. But don't worry; God never blinks.
16. Take a deep breath. It calms the mind.
17. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful.
18. Whatever doesn't kill you really does make you stronger.
19. It's never too late to have a happy childhood. But the second one is up to you and no one else.
20. When it comes to going after what you love in life, don't take no for an answer.
21. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie. Don't save it for a special occasion. Today is special.
22. Over prepare, then go with the flow.
23. Be eccentric now. Don't wait for old age to wear purple.
24. The most important sex organ is the brain.
25. No one is in charge of your happiness but you.
26. Frame every so-called disaster with these words 'In five years, will this matter?'
27. Always choose life.
28. Forgive everyone everything.
29. What other people think of you is none of your business.
30. Time heals almost everything. Give time time.
31. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.
32. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.
33. Believe in miracles.
34. God loves you because of who God is, not because of anything you did or didn't do.
35. Don't audit life. Show up and make the most of it now.
36. Growing old beats the alternative -- dying young.
37. Your children get only one childhood.
38. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.
39. Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere.
40. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else's,we'd grab ours back.
41. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.
42. The best is yet to come.
43. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.
44. Yield.
45. Life isn't tied with a bow, but it's still a gift."
Sunday, August 9, 2009
When Life Was Not Politically Correct
TO ALL THE KIDS WHO SURVIVED the 1930's, 40's, 50's, 60's and 70's !! First, we survived being born to mothers who smoked and/or drank while they carried us. They took aspirin, ate blue cheese dressing and didn't get tested for diabetes.
Then after that trauma, our baby cribs were covered with bright colored lead-based paints.
We had no childproof lids on medicine bottles, doors or cabinets and when we rode our bikes, we had no helmets, not to mention, the risks we took hitchhiking.
As children, we would ride in cars with no seat belts or air bags.
Riding in the back of a pick up on a warm day was always a special treat. We drank water from the garden hose and NOT from a bottle. We shared one soft drink with four friends, from one bottle and NO ONE actually died from this.
We ate cupcakes, bread and butter and drank soda pop with sugar in it, but we weren't overweight because WE WERE ALWAYS OUTSIDE PLAYING!
We would leave home in the morning and play all day, as long as we were back when the streetlights came on. No one was able to reach us all day. And we were O.K.
We would spend hours building our go-carts out of scraps and then ride down the hill, only to find out we forgot the brakes. After running into the bushes a few times, we learned to solve the problem.
We did not have Playstations, Nintendo's, X-boxes, no video games at all, no 99 channels on cable, no video tape movies, no surround sound, no cell phones, no personal computers, no Internet or Internet chat rooms..........WE HAD FRIENDS and we went outside and found them!
We fell out of trees, got cut, broke bones and teeth and there were no lawsuits from these accidents. We made up games with sticks and tennis balls and ate worms and although we were told it would happen, we did not put out very many eyes, nor did the worms live in us forever.
We rode bikes or walked to a friend's house and knocked on the door or rang the bell, or just walked in and talked to them!
Little League had tryouts and not everyone made the team. Those who didn't had to learn to deal with disappointment. Imagine that!!
The idea of a parent bailing us out if we broke the law was unheard of. They actually sided with the law!
This generation has produced some of the best risk-takers, problem solvers and inventors ever! The past 50 years have been an explosion of innovation and new ideas. We had freedom, failure, success and responsibility, and we learned HOW TO DEAL WITH IT ALL!
And YOU are one of them! CONGRATULATIONS!
You might want to share this with others who have had the luck to grow up as kids, before the lawyers and the government regulated our lives for our own good.
Kind of makes you want to run through the house with scissors, doesn't it?
Then after that trauma, our baby cribs were covered with bright colored lead-based paints.
We had no childproof lids on medicine bottles, doors or cabinets and when we rode our bikes, we had no helmets, not to mention, the risks we took hitchhiking.
As children, we would ride in cars with no seat belts or air bags.
Riding in the back of a pick up on a warm day was always a special treat. We drank water from the garden hose and NOT from a bottle. We shared one soft drink with four friends, from one bottle and NO ONE actually died from this.
We ate cupcakes, bread and butter and drank soda pop with sugar in it, but we weren't overweight because WE WERE ALWAYS OUTSIDE PLAYING!
We would leave home in the morning and play all day, as long as we were back when the streetlights came on. No one was able to reach us all day. And we were O.K.
We would spend hours building our go-carts out of scraps and then ride down the hill, only to find out we forgot the brakes. After running into the bushes a few times, we learned to solve the problem.
We did not have Playstations, Nintendo's, X-boxes, no video games at all, no 99 channels on cable, no video tape movies, no surround sound, no cell phones, no personal computers, no Internet or Internet chat rooms..........WE HAD FRIENDS and we went outside and found them!
We fell out of trees, got cut, broke bones and teeth and there were no lawsuits from these accidents. We made up games with sticks and tennis balls and ate worms and although we were told it would happen, we did not put out very many eyes, nor did the worms live in us forever.
We rode bikes or walked to a friend's house and knocked on the door or rang the bell, or just walked in and talked to them!
Little League had tryouts and not everyone made the team. Those who didn't had to learn to deal with disappointment. Imagine that!!
The idea of a parent bailing us out if we broke the law was unheard of. They actually sided with the law!
This generation has produced some of the best risk-takers, problem solvers and inventors ever! The past 50 years have been an explosion of innovation and new ideas. We had freedom, failure, success and responsibility, and we learned HOW TO DEAL WITH IT ALL!
And YOU are one of them! CONGRATULATIONS!
You might want to share this with others who have had the luck to grow up as kids, before the lawyers and the government regulated our lives for our own good.
Kind of makes you want to run through the house with scissors, doesn't it?
Saturday, August 8, 2009
Living Will
LIVING WILL
I, _________________________ (fill in the blank), being of
sound mind and body, do not wish to be kept alive indefinitely by
artificial means. Under no circumstances should my fate be put in the
hands of peckerwood politicians who couldn't pass ninth-grade biology
if their lives depended on it.
If a reasonable amount of time passes and I fail to sit up and
ask for a cold beer, it should be presumed that I won't do so ever
again. When such a determination is reached, I hereby instruct my
spouse, children and attending physicians to pull the plug, reel in the
tubes and call it a day.
Under no circumstances shall the members of the Legislature
enact a special law to keep me on life-support machinery. It is my wish
that these boneheads mind their own damn business, and pay attention
instead to the health, education and future of the millions of
Americans who aren't in a permanent coma and who nonetheless may be in
need of nourishment.
Under no circumstances shall any politicians butt into this
case. I don't care how many fundamentalist votes they're trying to
scrounge for their run for the presidency in 2008, it is my wish that
they play politics with someone else's life and leave me alone to die
in peace.
I couldn't care less if a hundred religious zealots send
e-mails to legislators in which they pretend to care about me. I don't
know these people, and I certainly haven't authorized them to preach
and/or crusade on my behalf. They should mind their own damn business,
too.
If any of my family goes against my wishes and turns my case
into a political cause, I hereby promise to come back from the grave and
make his or her existence a living hell.
SIGNED______________________________________
DATE________________________________________
I, _________________________ (fill in the blank), being of
sound mind and body, do not wish to be kept alive indefinitely by
artificial means. Under no circumstances should my fate be put in the
hands of peckerwood politicians who couldn't pass ninth-grade biology
if their lives depended on it.
If a reasonable amount of time passes and I fail to sit up and
ask for a cold beer, it should be presumed that I won't do so ever
again. When such a determination is reached, I hereby instruct my
spouse, children and attending physicians to pull the plug, reel in the
tubes and call it a day.
Under no circumstances shall the members of the Legislature
enact a special law to keep me on life-support machinery. It is my wish
that these boneheads mind their own damn business, and pay attention
instead to the health, education and future of the millions of
Americans who aren't in a permanent coma and who nonetheless may be in
need of nourishment.
Under no circumstances shall any politicians butt into this
case. I don't care how many fundamentalist votes they're trying to
scrounge for their run for the presidency in 2008, it is my wish that
they play politics with someone else's life and leave me alone to die
in peace.
I couldn't care less if a hundred religious zealots send
e-mails to legislators in which they pretend to care about me. I don't
know these people, and I certainly haven't authorized them to preach
and/or crusade on my behalf. They should mind their own damn business,
too.
If any of my family goes against my wishes and turns my case
into a political cause, I hereby promise to come back from the grave and
make his or her existence a living hell.
SIGNED______________________________________
DATE________________________________________
Friday, August 7, 2009
Blonde Joke
I pulled into the crowded parking lot at the
Super Wal-Mart Shopping Center and rolled
down the car windows to make sure my
Labrador Retriever Pup had fresh air.
She was stretched full-out on the back seat
and I wanted to impress upon her that she must
remain there. I walked to the curb backward,
pointing my finger at the car and saying emphatically,
"Now you stay. Do you hear me?"
"Stay! Stay!"
The driver of a nearby car, a pretty blond young lady,
gave me a strange look and said,
"Why don't you just put it in park?"
Super Wal-Mart Shopping Center and rolled
down the car windows to make sure my
Labrador Retriever Pup had fresh air.
She was stretched full-out on the back seat
and I wanted to impress upon her that she must
remain there. I walked to the curb backward,
pointing my finger at the car and saying emphatically,
"Now you stay. Do you hear me?"
"Stay! Stay!"
The driver of a nearby car, a pretty blond young lady,
gave me a strange look and said,
"Why don't you just put it in park?"
Thursday, August 6, 2009
Rain Choir
This is a pretty cool video, the best part is about a minute in when it starts to thunder.
Wednesday, August 5, 2009
Tuesday, August 4, 2009
Monday, August 3, 2009
The Cookies
At an airport one night,
with several long hours before her flight.
She hunted for a book in an airport shop,
Bought a bag of cookies, and found a place to drop.
She was engrossed in her book, but happened to see,
That the man sitting beside her, as bold as could be,
Grabbed a cookie or two from the bag in between,
Which she tried to ignore, to avoid a scene.
So she munched the cookies and watched the clock,
As the gutsy cookie thief diminished her stock.
She was getting more irritated as the minutes ticked by,
Thinking, "If I wasn't so nice, I would blacken his eye."
With each cookie she took, he took one too,
When only one was left, she wondered what he would do.
With a smile on his face, and a nervous laugh,
He took the last cookie and broke it in half.
He offered her half, as he ate the other,
She snatched it from him and thought... ooh, brother!
This guy had some nerve and he's also rude,
Why he didn't even show any gratitude!
She had never known ahen she been so galled,
And sighed with relief when her flight was called.
She gathered her belongings and headed to the gate,
Refusing to look back at the thieving ingrate.
She boarded the plane, and sank in her seat,
Then she sought her book, which was almost complete.
As she reached in her baggage, she gasped with surprise,
There was her bag of cookies, in front of her eyes.
If mine are here, she moaned in despair,
The others were his, and he tried to share.
Too late to apologize, she realized with grief,
That she was the rude one, the ingrate, the thief!
How many times have we absolutely known that something was a certain
way, only to discover later that what we believed to be true... was
not?
"Always Keep An Open Mind And An Open Heart, Because You Just Never
Know... "You might be eating someone else's cookies!"
with several long hours before her flight.
She hunted for a book in an airport shop,
Bought a bag of cookies, and found a place to drop.
She was engrossed in her book, but happened to see,
That the man sitting beside her, as bold as could be,
Grabbed a cookie or two from the bag in between,
Which she tried to ignore, to avoid a scene.
So she munched the cookies and watched the clock,
As the gutsy cookie thief diminished her stock.
She was getting more irritated as the minutes ticked by,
Thinking, "If I wasn't so nice, I would blacken his eye."
With each cookie she took, he took one too,
When only one was left, she wondered what he would do.
With a smile on his face, and a nervous laugh,
He took the last cookie and broke it in half.
He offered her half, as he ate the other,
She snatched it from him and thought... ooh, brother!
This guy had some nerve and he's also rude,
Why he didn't even show any gratitude!
She had never known ahen she been so galled,
And sighed with relief when her flight was called.
She gathered her belongings and headed to the gate,
Refusing to look back at the thieving ingrate.
She boarded the plane, and sank in her seat,
Then she sought her book, which was almost complete.
As she reached in her baggage, she gasped with surprise,
There was her bag of cookies, in front of her eyes.
If mine are here, she moaned in despair,
The others were his, and he tried to share.
Too late to apologize, she realized with grief,
That she was the rude one, the ingrate, the thief!
How many times have we absolutely known that something was a certain
way, only to discover later that what we believed to be true... was
not?
"Always Keep An Open Mind And An Open Heart, Because You Just Never
Know... "You might be eating someone else's cookies!"
Sunday, August 2, 2009
Eve's Side of the Story
After three weeks in the Garden of Eden, God came to visit Eve. "So, how is everything going?" inquired God.
"It is all so beautiful, God," she replied. "The sunrises and sunsets are breathtaking, the smells, the sights, everything is wonderful, but I have just one problem. It is these breasts you have given me. The middle one pushes the other two out and I am constantly knocking them with my arms, catching them on branches and snagging them on bushes. They are a real pain," reported Eve.
And Eve went on to tell God that since many other parts of her body came in pairs, such as her limbs, eyes, ears, etc.......she felt that having only two breasts might leave her body more "symmetrically balanced," as she put it.
"That is a fair point," replied God, "But it was my first shot at this, you know. I gave the animals six breasts, so I figured that you needed only half of those, but I see that you are right. I will fix it up right away."
And God reached down, removed the middle breast and tossed it into the bushes.
Three weeks passed and God once again visited Eve in the Garden of Eden. "Well, Eve, how is my favorite creation?"
"Just fantastic," she replied, "But for one oversight on your part. You see, all the animals are paired off. The ewe has a ram and the cow has her bull. All the animals have a mate except me. I feel so alone."
God thought for a moment and said, "You know, Eve, you are right.> How could I have overlooked this? You do need a mate and I will immediately create a man from a part of you. Now let's see............where did I put the useless boob?"
Now doesn't THAT make more sense than that crap about the rib?
"It is all so beautiful, God," she replied. "The sunrises and sunsets are breathtaking, the smells, the sights, everything is wonderful, but I have just one problem. It is these breasts you have given me. The middle one pushes the other two out and I am constantly knocking them with my arms, catching them on branches and snagging them on bushes. They are a real pain," reported Eve.
And Eve went on to tell God that since many other parts of her body came in pairs, such as her limbs, eyes, ears, etc.......she felt that having only two breasts might leave her body more "symmetrically balanced," as she put it.
"That is a fair point," replied God, "But it was my first shot at this, you know. I gave the animals six breasts, so I figured that you needed only half of those, but I see that you are right. I will fix it up right away."
And God reached down, removed the middle breast and tossed it into the bushes.
Three weeks passed and God once again visited Eve in the Garden of Eden. "Well, Eve, how is my favorite creation?"
"Just fantastic," she replied, "But for one oversight on your part. You see, all the animals are paired off. The ewe has a ram and the cow has her bull. All the animals have a mate except me. I feel so alone."
God thought for a moment and said, "You know, Eve, you are right.> How could I have overlooked this? You do need a mate and I will immediately create a man from a part of you. Now let's see............where did I put the useless boob?"
Now doesn't THAT make more sense than that crap about the rib?
Saturday, August 1, 2009
How to Call the Police
George Phillips of Meridian, Mississippi was going up to bed when his wife told him that he'd left the light on in the garden shed, which she could see from the bedroom window.
George opened the back door to go turn off the light but saw that there were people in the shed stealing things.
He phoned the police, who asked "Is someone in your house?" and he said no. Then they said that all patrols were busy, and that he should simply lock his door and an officer would be along when available.
George said, "Okay," hung up, counted to 30, and phoned the police again.
"Hello, I just called you a few seconds ago because there were people in my shed. Well, you don't have to worry about them now cause I've just shot them all." Then he hung up.
Within five minutes three police cars, an Armed Response unit, and an ambulance showed up at the Phillips residence. Of course, the police caught the burglars red-handed.
One of the Policemen said to George: "I thought you said that you'd shot them."
George said, "I thought you said there was nobody available!"
Welcome!
I've created this blog as a place to post all the chain emails, stories, thoughts, jokes, videos, pictures...etc that I get forwarded to me from friends and family.
My email box is getting a bit cluttered so I thought I could clean it up a bit by posting them all here. This way I can also share these with other friends, family members and the whole world without having to forward them all.
Feel free to leave notes, comments and suggestions. Check back frequently for updates...Also if you want to forward me any emails you think should be posted, please do so.
Thanks for stopping by and don't forget to come again soon!
P.s. Although some of the posts on this blog may offend some people, that is not my intention. They are meant to be funny, inspiring or make you think. I will not post anything that I feel is too offensive.
My email box is getting a bit cluttered so I thought I could clean it up a bit by posting them all here. This way I can also share these with other friends, family members and the whole world without having to forward them all.
Feel free to leave notes, comments and suggestions. Check back frequently for updates...Also if you want to forward me any emails you think should be posted, please do so.
Thanks for stopping by and don't forget to come again soon!
P.s. Although some of the posts on this blog may offend some people, that is not my intention. They are meant to be funny, inspiring or make you think. I will not post anything that I feel is too offensive.
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